phinnia: footprints in sand. text: "let us go then, you and i" (let us go)
Dear gay cliche behind the counter at the queer little coffee shop,

Shocking as it may seem to you, I do not actually need a babysitter to "take me" places. If I had such a person, they would be with me, which they were not.

Your latte wasn't that great either. I do not like my vanilla coffee latte to have overtones of TEA.

<3
phin

Dear Seattle Art Museum,

Considering you only just renovated, it would have been nice to had a straightforward way to get to and from the gift shop from the galleries, rather than taking what is only two steps up from a freight elevator and following ridiculously byzantine directions. Also you need more than eight audio tour headsets, considering you're an extremely popular tourist attraction. Nice concern for accessibility.

<3
phin

dear guy that worked in the museum gift shop.

it's all very cute that you have a special two dollar bill advertising your exhibit. If I run into any trouble using that fucking thing in a store I'm coming back and taking it out of your hide.

<3
phin

dear bus driving bitch on the 43,

I'm sorry that it was INCONVENIENT that I asked you to secure my wheelchair at the back instead of taking the "easy" way out and just looping the belts over the armrest. I just don't want to, you know, get thrown or tipped over if you make a sudden stop (which, considering your driving, was actually very possible - lay off the clutch, okay? it's bad enough that the shocks on these buses are going, they don't need help). Don't roll your fucking eyes at me.

And I'm sorry it's INCONVENIENT for you to stop and let me off at, you know, my stop. I'll get right on fixing that as soon as you take that fucking steel spike out of your ass.

<3
phin

dear oral surgeon,

stop being out of the office and answer your goddamn phone? i'm really getting sick of your answering service. I'm sorry that it's INCONVENIENT for you to, you know, WORK. too bad.

<3
phin

dear [livejournal.com profile] tallin

I found a twenty on the floor by your desk. I'm assuming it's yours, but I'm taking care of it now. If it isn't yours, well, score.

for real <3
me

wasn't spectacularly impressed with about half of the exhibits, but have come to the conclusion that this is because I don't really care for modern art. also too many yuppie mothers with their immaculately dressed perfect children. on the other hand admission was free, so it was worth about what I paid for it. I was intending to go to the asian art museum in Volunteer park but I turned the wrong way. I think that'll be more consistently in line with my interests. also next time i go downtown I'm only doing the 4th floor which is mostly traditional/ancient art. i dunno, maybe i'm old or something. certainly i feel that way.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (naming the stars)
From the seriously awesome [livejournal.com profile] thewlisian_afer, one for complete mindless rage: special education kids left inside school during bomb threat. what kills me, absolutely kills me, is that the fucking administrator said that she was doing it because it was cold out and she acted "compassionately". THE FUCKING FUCK.

from the fabulous [livejournal.com profile] newtypeshadow: cat banned from getting post office box for not paying taxes. this is just WTF with a side of WTF.

and from [livejournal.com profile] mactavish (who is fantastic in too many ways to count): the joy of cephalopods. I love Mary's geography blogging in so many ways, largely because this reminds me of my dad. <3

today: bad pain day, again. cleaning + hopefully writing. and upgrading my computer to the next build of windows seven.

i've bought myself a couple of books on math, because if i do decide to go back to school to do my psych undergraduate degree (which is looking like the most realistic possibility at the moment) I'll have to take at least some math, and the higher i place on the placement test, the better off i am. the weird thing is that i'm actually pretty excited about it. given my past history with math (especially calculus) this is just weird. i'm planning on doing the same with french, because i already know a good bit of it, and uw requires you to take a certain number of foreign language credits - again, the higher i can place on the placement test, the fewer courses i'll have to take. i can't decide if this makes me well prepared, paranoid or a gigantic dork.

must work out some kind of bribery system for this. even something as silly as a star chart.

the only thing worrying me about the psych degree is that admission (and the program) is very competitive. I have good psych grades from my previous AA degree, but i know uw is harder than that and i'm kind of nervous. i'm also trying to find some kind of fallback option just in case i don't get in or decide that it's too difficult to bother. augh.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (house/olivia-!)
dear pedestrians of seattle,
when you are walking down a crowded sidewalk, WATCH WHERE THE HELL YOU ARE WALKING. because my machine and i are heavier than you and if i have to i will run you down LIKE ELVIS ON A GODDAMNED PORK CHOP, SO HELP ME GOD.

love,
phin
phinnia: "why is it every time i try to get somewhere i'm waylaid by jackassery?' (house/blackandwhite-jackassery)
Dear snippy-ass receptionist in Medical Specialties:

If you say "the nurse is just finishing up with a patient", do not be surprised if I ask to hold. And if you then say "it'll be a while" directly after "she's just finishing up with a patient", one of these statements is a lie.

If you say "she's just finishing up with a patient", do not be surprised if I call back in half an hour to see if she's done with said patient.

You see, your department is already on notice. Initially SOMEONE held up my file for SIX FUCKING WEEKS when I was trying to get an intake appointment. I had to call back every day to get that sorted out. Don't push me, because I will call back every day to get this straightened out too. I have more than enough time, and given that you've already lied to me once, I will enjoy making you squirm.

I have absolutely no faith that you have given the nurse my message, given the fact that the last time I phoned (last Wednesday) I was told to leave a message (very likely by you) and since I'm still calling you, this means that no one has gotten back to me yet. (I realize you have a little problem with truth. If you need this in picture book format, I'm happy to oblige. I'll make it while I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back. OH WAIT. I bet you may even be reading big boy books by then.)

I know damn well my test results are in. I need my test results to schedule or not schedule the damn cheek biopsy and the dental exam to confirm that I have this specific autoimmune problem. If I wait on you to do it, I will be waiting until Satan dresses up in a pink spangled tutu to compete in the singles category at Hell's Ice Capades.

In conclusion, test results or GTFO.

phin.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (warthog faced buffoon)
Dear Guy who attempted to 'help' me on the bus:

First, pointing out 'there's a seat there' is an exercise in stating the goddamn obvious, as we were at the exact beginning of the route and you were the only one on the bus before I got on. Second, where in the high holy FUCK does it say that it's appropriate for you to wrap your arm around my WAIST in an effort to 'help me up the stairs'? (which, btw, i was absoutely fine on, merely slow.) Um. NO.

I should have clocked you with one of my crutches. Except that I THOUGHT I had an appointment today that I would have been late to. Plus the angle was all wrong.

L.

Dear rehab therapy department support staff,

I am a reasonably well functioning adult. Okay, so I made a mistake and got the wrong day. Okay, so I have a disability that is such that I use the services provided in your department. This does not mean you have the right to condescend to me like I am five years old and lost in a shopping mall. If you can only reschedule my missed appointment without a scheduling slip, get off your fucking condescend-mobile and SAY THAT. Do not say, when I ask to make more appointments, "oh, we'll just start with one for now" and metaphorically pat me on the fucking HEAD. Your counterpart on the other side managed to treat me like an adult just fine when she told me I had the wrong day. It's easy to treat someone with the fucking respect they deserve and give them information without treating them like a fucking child.

I hope you fall down a flight of stairs and get stuck as patients in your own antiquaited and condescending system, you poisonous, festering cockwaffles. I hate you both and I am damn close to changing my PT provider despite liking my physical therapist just so I won't have to deal with your particular brand of fuckwittery again.

L.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (deathwings)
a small but irritating part of my evening

There is this woman currently updating the student information portal at Sean's school, and whatever she's doing, she's going about it wrong, because an email gets sent out with EVERY SINGLE UPDATE. (i know there are ways to do this without sending out an email every single time. i don't know how to work the thing, but I have never been this irritated before, so.)

I have gotten about THIRTY COPIES of essentially the SAME USELESS EMAIL in the past TWO HOURS.

I am DECIDEDLY NOT IMPRESSED.

NEW RULE: THOU SHALT KNOW HOW THE DAMNED THING WORKS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO PLAY WITH IT, OR I SHALT COME UP THERE AND KICK THINE ASS FOR THEE. AMEN, PRAISE ALLAH, HAVE A NICE DAY.

(it's about student banking. ironically this is a service sponsored by, you guessed it, washington mutual. baby's first bank failure for the LOSE.)
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (warthog faced buffoon)
Dear Twits on the Phones at Outpatient Psychiatry:

If you cannot see the referral, then one of two things happened: either they lost it or you did. Considering your response when I asked you about this referral was, and I quote: 'are you sure that he sent the referral to our clinic? i have his name here, he's sent referrals to *iterates over six other clinics*. are you sure he sent the referral to our clinic? this is outpatient psychiatry.' I am betting that YOU lost the referral.

I am perfectly aware of what department I am calling, and my doctor is a BIG BOY who can WRITE HIS NAME NOW, EVEN ON REFERRAL SLIPS TO LOTS AND LOTS OF CLNICS. JUST BECAUSE HE HAS WROTE THOSE REFERRALS DOES NOT MEAN HE DID NOT WRITE MINE. IN FACT, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT DOES MEAN, EXCEPT THAT YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

I am half ready to call INPATIENT PSYCHIATRY just to get this DEALT WITH IN A TIMELY FASHION if y'all don't GET ON THE BALL.

L.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (house/less sense wilson)
Okay. Yes. The reading assignment (why do they hand out these 'assignments' when really it's more work for the parents? I do have other things I have to get done during the increasingly shorter part of the day that I'm not sleeping.) I will allow to go by, even though it is somewhat bizarre to be reading to a child that is totally blind and has a hearing impairment. All right. I will let that go. I have the Neil Gaiman children's collection on CD and I have Benjamin Britten's Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra and those count as books because I SAY THEY DO.

But I am not colouring the colour in activity page. This is too much. The line must be drawn HERE. (this far, no further).

This merits some serious explanation. Because I'm sure all the homework packets were the same ... but .. AUGHhjiowejewknldlohigfklndfk;erijaerwkn;g. *INCOHERENT FLAILING*

WHAT THE WHAT NOW.
phinnia: (don't fuck with cthulhu)
oh my god do i hate some goddamm PARENTS.

Dear Idiots Who Should Not Have Been Permitted To Breed:

There are things you should not do when shopping with your walking-enabled toddler sized Littlest Angels. Ideallly I think you should just GET A BABYSITTER AND LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME, but I know some of you have some kind of ridiculous attachment disorder where you just can't do that for whatever reason (I don't know, maybe your little flowers really WILL melt if you dare leave them with anyone else. My kid is just a kid, not one of God's Gifts, so I'm obviously uncultured and wortless in your eyes anyway) but if you must take them out, it will all be easier for everyone if you follow A FEW SIMPLE RULES.

ONE.

A CHILD WHO CANNOT SEE OVER THE CART SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO PUSH IT. EVER. And if by chance you insist on breaking rule #1, don't LEAVE THE CHILD WHO IS POSSIBLY NO MORE THAN TWO TO 'WATCH' THE CART WHILE YOU WANDER OFF TEN FEET AWAY GOGGLING AT THE DAIRY CASE LIKE IT CONTAINS THE MEANING OF MOTHERFUCKING LIFE. Because a) the child could get snatched easily and 2) the child annoys other shoppers. Like me. WHO HATES IDIOTS LIKE YOU AND IS IN CONSTANT DANGER OF SNAPPING.

TWO.

I do not CARE if your Blessed Event can walk around ALL BY HIMSELF NOW. If your Blessed Event is small enough that they cannot be seen in front of a shopping cart packed with food, they SHOULD NOT BE WALKING AROUND ALL BY HIMSELF NOW. Because you may be used to moving heaven and earth so your Ray of Sunshine, if I can't see them if they run in front of my cart they run the risk of getting hurt. AND THEN YOU WILL BLAME ME, RATHER THAN APOLOGISING FOR YOUR SCREAMING SPAWN OF SATAN WHO RAN IN FRONT OF MY CART, and then I WILL HAVE TO SNAP YOUR EVERLOVING NECK AND LEAVE YOU THERE TO DIE.

THREE.

Now I realize kids get hungry, and snack sized applesauce containers are the perfect thing to feed them. But if you take a cup out of one so The Center Of Your Motherfucking Universe can eat while you shop, then do the rest of the word a courtesy and at least BUY THE OTHER CUPS IN THE PACK. BECAUSE TECHNICALLY WHAT YOU ARE COMMITTING OTHERWISE IS THEFT. AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH THE SPROGLET'S MILESTONES IN PERSON IF THEY HAUL YOUR STUPID ASS IN JAIL, NOW WILL YOU?

Sincerely,

An Extremely Disgrunted (but likely substandard in your minds) Parent.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (bracelet/chains)
Dear world at large,

SHUT UP ABOUT THE GODDAMN IPHONE ALREADY. IF THEY'D REALLY BEEN ON THE BALL THEY WOULD HAVE HAD 3G BEFORE NOW. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A NEW STANDARD. PLEASE.

Seriously, if you want to impress me with a cellphone, get me one of those ones from Japan that does everything the iPhone does but better and probably ALSO has a matter transporter, an instant kitten generator, a vibrator that changes shape according to the user's current desires and the ability to turn shit into solid gold. THAT will impress me.

<3.
Phin.

What else is cool: I can do the dumb housework that needs doing AND still have energy + lack of pain to actually THINK and WRITE. It is AMAZING, seriously. I've forgotten what this is like.

Annoying yet strangely endearing parenting moment: the child has a toy car stuck inside one of his toothbrush cases. As The Almighty Mom I am expected to bend the laws of physics and get it out. Um. I'll take suggestions.
phinnia: (don't fuck with cthulhu)
Dear Apple,

Quit trying to download iTunes and Safari for Windows when I'm not looking. DO NOT WANT.

I asked for Quicktime. I don't really LIKE Quicktime, but some places use it, so.

I WANT QUICKTIME ONLY. YOU GET NO MOOLIGANS IN MY SOFTWARE.

Bite me,

L.

(... and why are you allowed to sneak Safari into downloads anyway? Wasn't that called anti-trust a while back? Not that I'm bitter about Apple in general or anything, except that I am.)
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (warthog faced buffoon)
Dear Other SPED Parents With Kids in Summer School,

Okay, yes, it is kind of a pain in the butt that the school district is doing the summer school sessions at one site and the therapies at another site. I agree.

But dude, they are not doing this just to SPITE YOU PERSONALLY. YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL AND UNIQUE FUCKING SNOWFLAKE AND NEITHER IS YOUR KID. They have explained why they are doing this: a combination of a) needing a full time nurse at the main site, 2) construction at other sites, and iii) sites with therapy rooms available. I seriously doubt that they WANT to do this, given the cost of fuel prices of late (not to mention having to listen to all your goddamned whining) so seriously? SHUT UP ALREADY, MKAY?

IF YOU HAVE NOTHING HELPFUL TO SAY GET OFF MY INTERNETS OR AT LEAST QUIT HITTING 'REPLY ALL' TO THIS GODDAMN NONSENSE JUST TO SAY 'ME TOO.'

SHADDAP ABOUT YOUR FUCKING SNOWFLAKES BEFORE I GO AT Y'ALL WITH MY GIANT HAIRDRYER*.

Love and kisses,

Moi

*I do not actually have a giant hairdryer. YET. *evil laugh*
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (rumi/future better than my past)
Apparently mail addressed to Phinnia Meredith WILL actually get here, because I got a letter addressed to Chris and Phinnia Meredith from one of the potential schools (not the really awesome one, our second choice). Must have gotten it from my email address or something and actually thought it was my first name (to be fair, I respond to it readily). I think this is HILARIOUS.

The child has a two hour early dismissal on 5/21 FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL. WHY DO THEY DO THIS?

I have to be at PT for what-the-hell-time-it-is-again (read: 9AM) tomorrow, which means being coherent and coordinated enough to leave the house at holy-fuck-the-chickens-next-door aren't-even-awake-now (read: 8:15 or so). This is going to be a laugh. I'm like the worst parts of the Three Stooges in the morning, minus the pies and slide whistles of course.

Although we do have a slide whistle.

(Note to any pain-in-the-ass-programmer-spouses-reading this: JUST. DON'T.)

Bed nao.

ARGH.

Apr. 25th, 2008 04:19 pm
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (friendlyhostility/oh god not again)
Deep breaths. Happy place. Etc.
further school saga. I am losing my cool and starting to say fuck a lot. )
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (house/chase-annoyed i'm still here)
Dear Child's School.

Again. I don't know how I feel about having to write these SO DAMN OFTEN...

Thank you SO MUCH for NOT finding anything that you might consider a rash on my kid today! That was very good of you.

Now, about this business with the kid's shoes.

You want shoes that the kid will keep on. I understand this! I do, really. It is difficult to find shoes that will both fit his chubby wide feet AND that he will keep on AND that don't cost a squintillion dollars. I have managed! Don't I rule? Of course I rule.

But see, y'all have a PROBLEM.

You want all of this AND you want shoes he can put on and take off independently?

In the words of the immortal Basil Fawlty ...

Would you like a HIPPOPOTAMUS ON A BUN while you're at it?

See, the child hates wearing clothes like most people hate being stabbed in the ass with sharp pointy STICKS. So you see, if he can take them off independently ...

say it with me, this is NOT HARD ...

He won't do what?

What's that?

He won't KEEP THEM ON AT SCHOOL.

Which you also want!

Translation: bite my shiny metal ass, these shoes are damn well fine and y'all can fucking cope. OR you could, you know, TEACH him to put them on and take them off independently! Wouldn't that rock? Considering you ARE supposed to be doing life skills stuff? Or are you too busy doing USELESS BULLSHIT again?

GROW A CLUE, PLEASE.

L.

(apropos of nothing: the song I'm listening to makes me think of [livejournal.com profile] tallin. *beam*)
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (house/house is right la la)
So Chris called the speech-language pathologist today to try and deal with the sign language lessons, and to yell at them again because the kid is using 'more' instead of 'eat' to request food even though we've asked them to not do that. (We got his midyear report yesterday. That goal was still on there. Not Pleased.) He volunteered to call because I'd yelled at them at least twice not to do that and they're apparently congenitally deaf to the register of my voice.

SLP = speech language pathologist, who has always struck me as a little dim
Chris = Teh Spouse

SLP: Oh, we're not having much success with the signing.

Chris: That's funny, because we are. I taught him the sign for 'jump' in ten minutes.

SLP: Oh, well, we have him sign 'more' and then point to a tactile symbol, but we have to keep repeating it a lot. He's not seeming to get it.

Chris: Well, see, that's not what we do at home at all. In fact that's what we asked you not to do, remember?

SLP: See, I ask him what he wants, and nothing happens. So I'll make him do the sign for 'more' and then point to eat and give him a drink, but he's happy with that. Or I'll point to drink and give him food and he's okay with that.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, BITCH?

You insist on using these tactile graphics even though you admit they don't work.

You are CONFUSING MY CHILD.

MY CHILD DOES NOT UNDERSTAND LANGUAGE. YOU ARE ASKING HIM A QUESTION, AND IT IS COMING OUT BLAH BLAH BLAH. OF COURSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING, YOU STUPID BITCH.

AND I FUCKING WONDER WHY HIS COMMUNICATION IS GETTING NO BETTER?

Fucking livid. Do not know what to do, as driving a ford explorer up the intestines of the SLP is probably a waste of a perfectly good ford explorer, and I don't want to get deported. Obviously talking = not working. Advice please. I'm going to go char-broil something for dinner with my new Dragon Powers.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (house/wilson evil and cunning)
Dear Child's School (again!)

Look. I realize y'all are teaching the I'd Rather Be Stimming class (™ [livejournal.com profile] starsong), but this means that the CHILDREN stim. The adults, not so much with the stimming (well, I mean, I suppose they can: but bear with me.)

To put it another way:

THE CHILD DOES NOT HAVE A FARKING RASH ON HIS UPPER LIP.

THE CHILD HAS NEVER HAD A FARKING RASH ON HIS UPPER LIP.

WILL YOU BLOODYWELLSHUTUP ABOUT THE FARKING RASH THAT IS NOT ON HIS UPPER LIP?

That on his upper lip?

That is CHAPPING.

Because he STIMS (which y'all should be FAMILAR WITH BY NOW, since he does it ALL THE TIME) with things by FLICKING THEM ON HIS UPPER LIP.

IF I HAVE TO GET A DOCTOR'S NOTE FOR THIS NONEXISTENT, NOT EVEN A COLD SORE PSEUDORASH?

Y'ALL ARE GOING TO FACE MY WRATH (™ me).

AND MY WRATH (™ me) INVOLVES INSECT SPRAY, KITCHEN KNIVES AND A FRACKING BLOWTORCH ON 'EZ-BAKE'.

Y'ALL WILL NOT LIKE MY WRATH (™ me).


Most sincerely,

Me.

Again.

(no, they did not say get a doctor's note. they did not say I should keep him home, either, otherwise I'd be hunting up the insect spray and my second best cleaver. I'm just sick and tired of getting emailed about this crap.)
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (angel black wings)
Dear Child's School,

REALITY CHECK TIME. NOT ALL PARENTS STAY HOME. AND NOT EVERY PARENT WHO STAYS HOME HAS INFINITE AMOUNTS OF TIME. I don't know about OTHER PARENTS, but I actually have a LIFE that does not include my child (as horrifying as you may find that, I don't sit here like a puppet with the strings cut every morning as he leaves the house; I'm more likely to be counting down minutes until he DOES leave the house so I can GET SHIT DONE.) FURTHERMORE I AM TRYING TO WRITE HERE. Not to mention I frequently have more doctors' appointments than you have STAFF MEETINGS. I have an appointment with some specialist or another booked EVERY WEEK ALL THE WAY INTO APRIL/EARLY MAY, and that's after dealing with FOUR medical professionals THIS WEEK. So if you want me to DO SOMETHING, giving, oh, I don't know, MORE THAN THREE DAYS NOTICE? That would be GOOD. I would LIKE THAT.

YOU HAD TIME MANAGEMENT? BUT YOU EATED IT.

Me.
phinnia: smiling dolphin face (deathwings)
Dear Child's Teacher:

The kid has a WART. It is not a weeping chancre. It is not EBOLA. It is not a LIMB ABOUT TO DROP THE FUCK OFF IN YOUR LUNCH. It is a WART. And what's more, it's a goddamn DEAD WART. Because you freaked the goddamn hell out and so we had to drag the child to the doctor and practically sit on him so we could ATTACK HIM WITH LIQUID NITROGEN so he wouldn't have OMGWTFBBQ WART. I should have made YOU do it. Considering YOU were the one with the PROBLEM.

Also! The sore on the kid's lip is a COLD SORE. It is FINE. I have had them ALL MY LIFE. AGAIN. NOT WEEPING CHANCRE. NOT EBOLA. NOT LEAPING NIGERIAN CROTCH ROT. OKAY? A COLD SORE. DEAL. If you even THINK about making me keep this child home whenever those pop up I will HAUNT YOUR ASS, because I will PROBABLY BE DEAD FROM CRAZY.

In other words! STOP EMAILING ME IN A PANIC, YOU TWIT.

And if I hear ONE THING about you being A MEDICALLY FRAGILE SITE I will come down there and INTRODUCE MY CRUTCHES TO YOUR APPENDIX. PERSONALLY. I think your school nurse is on CRACK and so are YOU. You have already sent home the child when he was NOT SICK one too many times, and I am LOSING PATIENCE. ONE THING. GO ON. FEEL FREE TO TEMPT ME IF YOU LIKE.

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January 2013

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