PHINNIA SMASH PUNY POSTAL MINION RAR

[phinnia]

Dear United States Postal Disservice,

Recently you have:

• raised your rates on small parcels to nigh on fucking usury
  
• eaten three small packets only to disgorge them weeks later
  
• not given me letter mail for the past two days (considering we get at least fliers every day, not having actual mail for two days is damn unlikely.)
  
• failed to leave parcel notification slips in my box on several occasions
  
• left parcel notification slips in my box and failed to leave the parcel with the management office on at least two occasions in recent memory
  
• sent rude, unhelpful minions to deliver my mail
  
• which is almost always late.
  

But now you've really done gone pissed me the fuck off.

GIVE ME MY GODDAMNED BPAL ORDER NOW NOW NOW. I know it's been delivered. But it is not in my manager's office. There was no parcel slip (of course!) but I have tracking information, which is usually accurate even if it is your system (it appears that your issues are consistently a case of human error)).

I'm having a lousy day and was looking forward to pretty smellies, and now my pretty smellies are GONE.

I hope you get bought out by the Japanese, who then make a new and innovative sushi roll out of my area's mail carrier, who seems to be allergic to actually delivering, you know, mail.

Or at least I hope he gets boils over his entire body.

Pissed the hell off now,

Ms. P.

(yes, I know I can email the lab and they'll resend. I'm still pissed.)