the meme that isn't

[phinnia]

arhh asked me to tell you sixteen random things about myself.

1. I am secretly a morning person. I love getting up early and having extra time to do stuff. I just wish it were my idea more often than it is.

2. I still don't know what I want to be if I grow up. I change my mind frequently, which is mostly because I love learning and I want to learn EVERYTHING. Right now I'm pondering going back to school again, assuming vocational rehab can cover my tuition; I'm pondering finishing my psych and/or anthro degree and going into some kind of public health/medical informatics type of thing. This may change drastically tomorrow afternoon. it's frustrating sometimes, and I feel ultra-flakey for doing it.

3. I love hospitals. I've always loved hospitals. Probably because there's just so much concentrated STUFF to figure out, and I think bodies in general are pretty neat, they way they're put together and the way they work. And I love gadgets and machines for figuring stuff out. I've wanted to work in the medical field since I was very young (it was that or freelance writing) but I thought I was too stupid to do much with applied sciences for a long time. I've also always wanted to be a writer, but I've been too afraid to commit to that, because I know it's not about to make me much money. I feel very conflicted about this.

4. My greatest inspiration was and still is Rikki Tikki Tavi. RUN AND FIND OUT would be on my family crest if I had one.

5. The first person I really bonded with, (and the only person I really miss from my birthfamily) was my father, who died of I-forget-where cancer (it kind of spread too fast (about four, maybe five months at most) and I honestly can't recall where it started, because I don't get TOLD things by my birthfamily, and hell yes I'm bitter). I miss him all the time. I also am glad that he wasn't around to see me breaking ties with the rest of them, because it would have broken his heart even though it was something that clearly needed to be done. I don't think I would have done it if he'd still been alive, and this is one of the very few "bright spots" (as it were) about his death.

6. I've wanted to be a writer since I was six years old and could hold a pencil. On the other hand I am terrified of rejection and a lot of time I worry that my writing is awful. I'm trying to get over that, because enough of me knows it's not true. I am getting better though. I'm confident enough in a lot of my short-short stories that I've submitted them to various places. Longer stuff needs more work.

7. I used to be terrified of writing fanfic, because I was convinced I'd get it wrong. Even now I mostly play in only one fandom, because my paranoia is just that aggressive. Also I don't watch a hell of a lot of tv. (not as a tv-is-evil kind of thing - I find that patently ridiculous, as inanimate objects have no motivation; just can't be arsed to turn it on most of the time.)

8. I maintain that if I had to have a child again knowing what I know now i wouldn't. I love my kid, but i don't love the hell of postpartum depression/psychosis (which would happen again given my history of anxiety/depression/various mental health problems) the family drama, the lack of sleep, the hell of diapers and doctors and god knows what else, the midwife hell, the fact that hormones make me into a hell-beast - don't know how anyone can have more than one child. At this point I have to bite my tongue when people tell me they're pregnant, because my defaullt question is OMFG WHY.

(note: I know it's not the same for everyone, you don't need to tell me. the neuro calls this PTSD and is working on it.)

9. I met George Shearing once. He was quite nice as I recall. I've also met Douglas Coupland; he was nice, but rather drunk.

10. I go through periods of reading only nonfiction and of reading only fiction. Right now I'm in a nonfiction phase.

11. I never wanted to be a stay at home mother; even as a small child, I assumed I was going to be working. I list my 'occupation' as 'freelance writer' or 'student' (when it applies) because I'd rather be considered that than a homemaker.

12. I do not have a bachelor's degree, which bothers me more than I can adequiately explain.

13. I started drinking coffee during a trip to the Netherlands during high school, mainly because it was there at buffet tables and I wanted to drink something. Coffee there is very strong and sweet. I still like it that way.

14. I still have all of my original body's parts. Whether they work as desired is another thing again.

15. The original iteration of my username was dolphinia, which i used when i was playing on MUSH systems. It lost a few letters and some got mixed around. Oddly enough only one person ever called me 'Dolphy' during that time.

16. I used to know the entirety of a Catholic mass sung in latin. At this point I remember very little although I'm sure they'd come back if I had a reason to remember them. I also know all three verses of Oh Canada, including the french one and the other one everyone forgets.

Comments

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

...not that my opinion matters over-much, but you do NOT suck as a writer...I am not a big reader of LJ posted writings of people as a general rule, and I have friends on my list that post writings quite often...but when I see yours, I always click through and read...even if it is Housefic, which I generally don't *get*...but which I like...because I like the way you write...it's very engaging, and not-dry and not-detached. I hate dry, detached writing...it's boring. Your writing is NOT boring, and I quite like it, and I would buy the book.

WRITE MORE.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Thank you. (I really mean that, so much. <3 <3 I'm really flattered.) I'm working on longer pieces; I hope that now that I can get out more I won't be as depressed and I'll be more able to work on things.

[benjimmy.livejournal.com]

:-D
I could pretty much copy and paste numbers 2,3,6,7, and 14. With maybe a few minor adjustments. Plainly, this means we're both VERY cool.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Totally. <3 <3 *loves*
(btw, nems told me that you wanted to know about the beta-ing thing: I'm hoping to get to it soon, now that Sean has gone back to school and I have some time to myself. I honestly won't be offended if you ask me, I promise. (it takes a lot to offend me, and things that do are things that you're not likely to do, like insulting my family or things of that stripe.)

[benjimmy.livejournal.com]

:-D
Oh, I was just asking him if he'd gotten anything from ya yet, is all, out of curiosity. Not some big 'OMG Alan! Have you heard anything from Phin? I need to know as soon as she gets one sentence done!' thing, haha.

I'm kind of going 'eep' over the damn thing, because it doesn't feel anywhere near finished, to me. Dunno, maybe that's me being paranoid and it's closer than I think.

[cueballex.livejournal.com]

I absolutely love your writing, and I admire you deeply. You're a brilliant, complex person, and it's a privilege to know you. Also, you're the best ever iMom. *hug*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*hughughughug* <3

[ambelies.livejournal.com]

I share #7 with you. I'm scared to write because I am so afraid of what people will think...and when I do write something, I don't get any comments, good or bad. So I freak. I have a story I've been working on and off with and I'm so scared sometimes to do anything with it because I'm convinced I'm a horrible writer.

paranoid? Me? Never...*shakes*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

If you like, I can beta/proofread for you. <3 I think it's important to encourage people to write as much as possible, because that's the best way to improve. *hughug* but I know the feeling, it's awful.

[thyroidstorm.livejournal.com]

I WOULD SAY "GO FOR YOUR ANTHRO DEGREE" BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SUPER FUN BUT IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB AFTERWARDS THEN UMM IT'S A VERY BAD IDEA. SO INSTEAD I, IN AN EFFORT TO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU, WILL INSTEAD SAY "GO FOR YOUR PSYCH DEGREE NOMNOM"

[lovesasa.livejournal.com]

+1 Psych degrees are awesome. I wish I was cool enough to be studying psych. :)

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

My worry is that UW Psych is HARD to get into; there's a lot of pressure there. But I got my AA in psych and graduated with pretty good grades, so I'm hoping that gives me something of a running start.

[thyroidstorm.livejournal.com]

Then apply to both! If you get into the psych program, then go for anthropology and be done with it. If you do get in, yay for you! That way there's no pressure because you have another thing to fall back on. I bet you'd get in though, especially with an AA in psych.

[nemesishamartia.livejournal.com]

RIKKI TIKKI TAVI! OMG I LOVE YOU FOR THAT ONE.

Seriously. Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd reference that one, too! It was the narrator's sister's 'motto' (well, her brother assigned it to her!)

OMG!!!

6 -- I've had the same thing for *ages*, you're totally not alone.

You're also a fantastic writer, and if I have to comment on every single story and gush madly because it TRULY IS THAT AWESOME so that you get it, then I totally will.

7 -- Word on the extra fandoms. I went and got suckered into Psych and actually WROTE for it, but... DAMN MY SHAWN SUCKS (and not in the way my Lassy would like).

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'd forgotten about that book! I love Agatha Christie. It's been too long since I've read her books.
*glomp* you're awesome, did you know that? you really are.

[hithah.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up either. :)

Wonderful list! You are a very fascinating person, and I love getting these glimpses into your brain. Thanks so much for sharing this with us! <3

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

aww, thank you! I loved your version of this meme, too. <3

[purridot.livejournal.com]

I still don't know what I want to be if I grow up.

What is this "growing up" thing of which you speak? *is alarmed and runs away*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*huggle* Point taken, my wonderful twinniest. <3

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

#4, yes!

And I am so glad that you, at least, will never go "but why aren't you having kids?"

*hugs*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

It drives me bonkers when people do that. It's a perfectly valid choice. *sigh* I like kids, and some people are good with them, but one at a time is enough, in my opinion. I can't even fathom why you'd want two close together. OMFG DIAPERS.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

*nodnodnod* Diapers SUCK! I was just telling C that the only way I'd consider it is if I could get a surrogate mom to carry the baby AND we had a 3rd person live-in caretaker/nanny!

[awils1.livejournal.com]

You definitely don’t suck as a writer; but I fully empathise —I’m terrified of writing because of the same paranoia. Blogging on SU has helped a bit, but it’s still in the back of my mind.

I am secretly a morning person. I love getting up early and having extra time to do stuff. I just wish it were my idea more often than it is.

Mornings are lovely. It sucks when you get up early and end up tired too early though :|.

I go through periods of reading only nonfiction and of reading only fiction. Right now I’m in a nonfiction phase.

So, tell us, what are you reading now?

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'm reading "Musicology" by Oliver Sacks right now - it's about music's affect on the brain and on different brain disorders that involve music. I'm also reading "The Best American Science Writing 2008" which is fabulous.
The fiction book I'm reading (which is fantastic, but I can't read it at night) is "Four and Twenty Blackbirds" by Cherie Priest. She's a local author and her books are AWESOME. This one is southern gothic horror, which is not my usual thing, but it's REALLY good.
And if you want or need someone to read your writing and make suggestions/act as a cheering section, I don't mind. I really like encouraging people to write because it's the best way to improve. <3

[awils1.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I’ll be sure to keep your kind offer in mind. ♥♥♥

Hmm… I’d only heard of the Musicology one. The Science Writing annual—what’s it about? Is it a thick tome of papers, because that would be utterly awesome, and I would want to read it?

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Basically yes, it is. It's a selection of papers that were published during a given year. They have them for a wide area of subjects/interests: my favorites are the 'Science writing annual' 'science and nature writing annual' and 'short stories annual'. There's a lot of other subjects. I might pick up the travel writing one too - i think anthony bourdain edited that one this year, and I like him.