i'm just zis girl you know? (for purplewaxhand)

[phinnia]

purplewaxhand requested 'you (me) as House's clinic patient.' Okay. *shrug* I take all challenges seriously.

I own me and I'm part owner of the little autistic kid. Everything else, I'm just playing with.



House could hear the weird sounds from the outside of Exam Three; chirping, humming, something that sounded like blowing across a bottle top. He thought briefly about trying to make a break for it, but he could feel Brenda's eyes boring holes in the back of his neck, so he opened the door instead.

This room had two patients for the price of one. Oh goody. The woman was perched on the exam table, idly kicking it with heavy, weighted shoes, but seemed to be more focused on her phone than anything else. The chirping was coming from a small child, aged five or six, with blonde hair. The kid was creeping around the room, trailing one hand along every stationary object he could reach; the other hand was holding a small plastic tube, which he was flicking against his mouth. He didn't look up either.

Interesting.

"I'm Doctor House."

"Oh hi." She put the phone in a pocket and looked up at him through wire-rim glasses that had been knocked slightly askew. "Leah Meredith. Usual guy is out today I guess? No worries. I just need refills on everythi - SEANERS! NO! PUT THAT DOWN." She scowled at the child, who dropped what he'd been holding - the otoscope - and backed away with both palms held out flat as if to demonstrate his innocence.

"WE DO NOT STIM WITH MEDICAL EQUIPMENT. Not that you understand me, obviously." she continued, still glaring at the child. "But you understand my tone of voice, that's the important thing - anyway, yeah, I just need refills on everything. It's all in the chart."

House picked up the chart and skimmed it while keeping half an eye on the boy. "Autism?"

"Autistic, nonverbal and totally blind. Optic nerve aplasia - hereditary. Plus some auditory processing issues. It's interesting. We're basically the cripple family. Going anyplace is hilarious."

"You like the tylenol 3's?"

"Oxycodone makes me itchy. Vicodin gives me weird dreams and it doesn't taper off nicely. SEANERS! NO. CLOSE THE DOOR."

The child cheerfully continued around the room, pausing every few feet to jump or stim with the plastic tube, until he encountered House, who was sitting on the stool scribbling out one of several perscriptions. He chirped joyfully and tried to climb into House's lap, running his palms through House's stubble. "EeeeEEEeee!"

"SEANERS." She hopped down and limped awkwardly across the room towards a pair of blue forearm crutches that were leaning against the wall. "NO. WE DO NOT STIM WITH DR. HOUSE. Sorry about that. Come on, boy." She grabbed the sheaf of papers and the child's hand around the crutch handles, nodded once at House and smiled. "Thanks."

"Sure." he shrugged. "You ever need a sitter for the kid?"

"Oh hell yes. What, you're volunteering?"

"I have fellows. They like sucking up. We can arrange something."

She grinned. "I like the way you think."

Comments

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

hahaha! *applauds*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*bows* <3

[seularen.livejournal.com]

OMG amazing! Do me, do me! No, I wouldn't want to meet House, he'd tear me to shreds.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I have actually spoken most of the dialogue (at least that the fictional 'me' spoke) in this fic. <3 Okay, it was 'Seaners, we do not stim with (child's psychiatrist)', but the intent is the same.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

"NO. WE DO NOT STIM WITH DR. HOUSE

We don't?

Awwwww, darn! *does the sheepish toe scuff*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Well, Sean doesn't. <3 You can, you're old enough.

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

Lol! You should guest-star as yourselves.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking Seaners vs. Foreman. And I really think Foreman would lose out after hour seven or eight, especially after repeated entreaties to 'jump! jump! more jump!' in naggy sign language.

[zulu]

This fic could exist and I would not be unhappy.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

After about the fifth hour of holding the kid's hands as he jumped on the sofa, Foreman had gone beyond angry and was now just exhausted. He should have known trying to tell House that he wasn't a babysitter would have no effect, but it was automatic by now. House, of course, had just shrugged at him and said Kutner was busy and somebody had to do it, and ran off for parts unknown.
Bastard.
Oh god, now the kid was screaming again. "What? What is it?"
No good. He took hold of the boy's hands gently by the wrists and sighed. "Talk to me."
Time... to.... eat.
"Oh, okay." There were granola bars somewhere in this bag ... there. "Here, how about this."
The granola bar was deemed acceptable. Foreman slumped down on the sofa and barely protested as the boy joyfully climbed into his lap and wiped sticky hands all over his new silk tie.

[zulu]

NOOOOES! Not the NEW SILK TIE!

♥

[bkwrrm-tx.livejournal.com]

Fan-freaking-TASTIC!

But, I want to stim with Dr. House. :-)

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

You can. <3 Seaners isn't old enough.

[purplewaxhand.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*bows* <3

[purplewaxhand.livejournal.com]

There was another one I was going to suggest, but I wasn't sure how familiar you were with the Quantum Leap, Star Trek, Doctor Who and Animorphs universes and how they would mix in with the House universe.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I know the first two badly and the second two not at all, so yeah. <3

[starlingthefool.livejournal.com]

Eeee! That was effin hilarious and cute.
WE DO NOT STIM WITH DOCTOR HOUSE.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Trufax: I have actually spoken most of the lines in this fic. Okay, it was "We do not stim with (Child's Psychiatrist)" but yeah. <3

[jenk]

Hee! I liked it, and I'm not a big House fan :)

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Yay. <3 <3

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Kutner needs something to do now that he broke up with Cole, anyway. ♥

Awesome!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

TOTALLY. As long as he doesn't teach Sean to set things on fire, I'm cool with that.

[gizmometer.livejournal.com]

oh, but see,

WE DO STIM WITH DR HOUSE.
*giggles*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Sean doesn't! (And he doesn't try to eat his psychiatrist either, nor does he stim with his other psychiatrist, but those two things have actually happened.) <3

[paraoptomistic.livejournal.com]

I love this!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3

[daf9.livejournal.com]

Hehe. I like it! Now I wanna see Seaners stim with Dr. House. Correction: what I wanna see is the look on Dr. House's face.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*grin* Probably very, very WTF?! and then a vague shrug of acceptance.

[faerie-spark.livejournal.com]

My favourite line:

"NO. WE DO NOT
STIM WITH DR. HOUSE. Sorry about that. Come on, boy."

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I had to tell him not to stim with one of his psychiatrists once. I really don't think that I ever imagined saying that, as a parent. <3

[youngfreak92.livejournal.com]

Having read your posts about Seaners on the sly (amazing kid really. Amazing family too, I must say. I myself have Asperger's, ADHD, asthma and a heck of a lot of allergies, so it's always fun to see/read/hear about other "strange people" and how they tackle their difficulties. Oh, right, back to the topic!) and I absolutely adored this fic. It was so hilarious, and House seemed to incredibly IC. And fic!you and House starting to chat over pain medication... <3. Just <3. God, I'm meming this fic. And printing it out. Probably taping it on my wall, too. *keeps on rambling*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Hee, thank you!
Seaners is ... an interesting little puzzle. <3 <3

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

I don't usually read your House fics, I admit - mostly because I haven't watched much of the show yet and don't want to be spoilered, since a lot of what you write takes place later in the timeline than I've seen.

However, the prompt you were given here made me curious and I'm SO glad I clicked! You gave me a laugh, and I sorely needed one today!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

<3 Welcome. *hug*

[bluerosefairy.livejournal.com]

*falls over giggling at not stimming with Dr. House*

And yeah, I've got to fifteenth the call for you and Seaners to guest-star on House. I imagine hilarity could ensue with Chase as well - pediatrics is one of his specialties.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Seaners would probably pester him for 'more jumping' too, and because Chase would give in, he'd NEVER GET LEFT ALONE AGAIN. *laugh*

[romanshoes.livejournal.com]

OMG, that was so cute. PLEASE DO ME, THE ASTHMATIC TEENAGE HEART PATIENT, I WILL PAY YOU. In...nonexistent goods.

XD

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I think this was just a one-shot, but if the muse comes back in this direction I might start taking requests. Glad you enjoyed!

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

"we do not stim with dr house!" *dies* i love it.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I've had to make this statement. <3 Well, not about Dr. House, but you know what I mean.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

*floaty ♥*

I <3 you so much.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

*bows* Thank you, dear. <3 <3

[natalief.livejournal.com]

I LOVE this!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

Sheer brilliance. :)

Add me to the line waiting to stim Dr. House. Frankly, I think Seaners is the least of his worries, judging from your flist...;)

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed. *laugh* <3 Thank you!