god, not again.

[phinnia]

Dear Child's Teacher:

The kid has a WART. It is not a weeping chancre. It is not EBOLA. It is not a LIMB ABOUT TO DROP THE FUCK OFF IN YOUR LUNCH. It is a WART. And what's more, it's a goddamn DEAD WART. Because you freaked the goddamn hell out and so we had to drag the child to the doctor and practically sit on him so we could ATTACK HIM WITH LIQUID NITROGEN so he wouldn't have OMGWTFBBQ WART. I should have made YOU do it. Considering YOU were the one with the PROBLEM.

Also! The sore on the kid's lip is a COLD SORE. It is FINE. I have had them ALL MY LIFE. AGAIN. NOT WEEPING CHANCRE. NOT EBOLA. NOT LEAPING NIGERIAN CROTCH ROT. OKAY? A COLD SORE. DEAL. If you even THINK about making me keep this child home whenever those pop up I will HAUNT YOUR ASS, because I will PROBABLY BE DEAD FROM CRAZY.

In other words! STOP EMAILING ME IN A PANIC, YOU TWIT.

And if I hear ONE THING about you being A MEDICALLY FRAGILE SITE I will come down there and INTRODUCE MY CRUTCHES TO YOUR APPENDIX. PERSONALLY. I think your school nurse is on CRACK and so are YOU. You have already sent home the child when he was NOT SICK one too many times, and I am LOSING PATIENCE. ONE THING. GO ON. FEEL FREE TO TEMPT ME IF YOU LIKE.

Comments

[euclase.livejournal.com]

Lol, leaping Nigerian crotch rot.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'm expecting House has read a journal article about that in like, Urdu or something, there was this one guy, you know ... or maybe I'm making it up. <3

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

Darlin' I am contiually amazed how you can turn shitloads of stress into some of the funniest stuff i've ever read.

And, as always, my hockey stick is at your command. No need to bend up the spiffy new crutches.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

why thank you dear. <3
And part of my secret is that I try to make it funny - because if I didn't have that outlet I'd probably die of stress.

[machineplay.livejournal.com]

Is there anyone you could speak to about this? Do they need ANOTHER Dr's note? Or do I have to come down and choke a bitch over this?

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Fortunately I just told her "no, it's a cold sore, we got the wart treated, the doctor said this, blah blah". I think the problem I have dealing with her is largely one of differing communication priorities: if I don't say anything, it's because everything went as planned and nothing is wrong or weird. She seems to not understand this.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

What they probably need is for a doctor to call and yell about the piddling crap that s/he keeps having to investigate for no reason. That would combine the appropriate authority figure with the embarrassment of being called on the carpet for stupidity, and possibly straighten things out.

[mirrormargaret.livejournal.com]

LEAPING NIGERIAN CROTCH ROT

:: dying laughing ::

You are awesome.

If only I could say the same for S's teacher ...

[dejablu503.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, welcome to west coast liberal kindergarten teacher paranoia...isn't it amusing

[peachtess.livejournal.com]

Ye gods...the women is clearly insane if she is truly in some sort of fragile medical state and working with kids. If she's that freaked about germs she needs to go become some sort of bubble person and avoid all human contact.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

OMG ARE YOU SURE YOUR SON DOESN'T GO TO EISENHOWER IN DUBUQUE????? *flails*

I also must steal your tag YOUR STUPID MAKES ME CAPSLOCK.

[lizardling.livejournal.com]

Oh man. *facepalm* That sounds delightful. :p

[burgundy.livejournal.com]

Ok seriously? How can anyone work with groups of children and not be accustomed to the fact that they are walking plague vectors? Warts and cold sores are nothing. If the kids are that "medically fragile" then a) they need to have staff that can RECOGNIZE ACTUAL MEDICAL RISKS and b) not have a bunch of walking plague vectors all in the same place.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

OMG WONT YOU THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shutterbug-12.livejournal.com]

Wow, sometimes your posts really make me LOL. People are so stupid. *facepalm*

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it's entertaining. (Seriously, I am. That's what I'm going for. If I can't laugh at it, or make someone else laugh, or both, it's even more annoying.)

[pickleboot.livejournal.com]

oh my god. seriously? a wart? and a cold sore? wow.

i mean, there is my son that would get raging ear infections and would stay home because he was so sick he was raging because he was miserable. and no one needs to deal with that. and then there was the whole refusal to not use latex free gloves and him coming home covered in weeping sores because they had to help him go to the bath room and used latex gloves despite me sending latex free gloves to use with him. but that- what you are dealing with- is the definition of crazy. really and truly insane. i will happily come and choke a bitch for you. wow..

and people wonder why we are home schooling......

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

... um, WHAT with the latex free gloves? Isn't that grounds to sue? holy fuck.
No, it's sorted out, she's just dumb and irritating sometimes. *eyeroll* forutnately she listens to me when I use words like "the doctor said blah blah".

[pickleboot.livejournal.com]

we had to threaten to sue to get him latex free band aids. let's not even talk about what it took to get balloons and bananas out of the classroom. it was crazy. and they refused to even send home a letter about it. which was a major consideration in home schooling this year- all the class rooms are carpeted and stain treated, which are all latex based. nice.

i am so glad that she listened. she sounds.....special.

[mystic-savage.livejournal.com]

This is well-timed. Penny has a couple of warts and I have to stop myself from going to the (ooo yuck dirty child) place about it. But then I was raised with plenty of body shame and germaphobia. I'm glad she isn't affected by same.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

You should get a few giant plush microbes (the flesh eating disease is one of my favorites - aren't the fork and knife cute?) and throw them at her.

And use your old crutches to take out her appendix. Your new ones are too spiffy.

And waitaminute - she's the one who wanted you guys to get the wart removed? It's a fricking wart, it's not going to jump out at her! He's not a toad! I had one burned off when I was 7 or 8 and I freaked the hell out at the liquid nitrogen, and I could understand WTF was going on. I can only imagine how freaked Sean was, poor guy, and all because of this twit?

Do I need to come out there and kick her ass, then take you for tea? :-D

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Fortunately she listened to me when I politely bitchslapped her via email. But you could come anyway, and we could do yarn shopping and tea. It'll be a blast. <3

[natalief.livejournal.com]

Then again, the coldsore *is* caused by the herpes virus...

*hugs*

[dolphingirl.livejournal.com]

Their goal is apparently not to have any of the kids come to school ever so they can sit and play with the toys all day.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

That would totally make sense. :-)

[bluerosefairy.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon. I completely feel for your kidlet (and you). Because little-kid me has both been there and done that. Cold sores run in my family, so combined with the massive amounts of warts I suddenly developed all over my left hand around 3rd - 6th grade, I was fucking terrified of school, liquid nitrogen, and the inevitable questions from the teachers (and teasing from the students) every year. No, I don't have skin lesions. Yes, they're cold sores. Yes, I've gotten them treated.

God, the worst thing you can do is to freak the hell out and make the kid feel even worse. You have far more restraint than I!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Fortunately Seaners doesn't seem to care much about other people's thinking (which is sometimes annoying, but other times quite the blessing in disguise). But oh god, yes. *pets little-kid you*

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

OMG. Must. Control. Fist. Of. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

*stabbity*