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i subscribe to the school of 'if i write it down perhaps it will get out of my head'
This will probably fail.
Edit: it has already failed. it's mutating. oh god.
anyway - i had this plotbunny last week - yes, i know genderfuck has been done before. (noteably by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thedeadparrot, who does marvelous crack) but i got thinking 'why is it that wilson always turns into a woman, or everyone's gender gets switched? so - yeah. here you are. wherein wilson flirts, there is yelling, and partial nudity, and coffee.
The woman in the parking lot looked like House would look if he'd been born female: tall, slender, same blue eyes, same sloppy jeans and button-down shirts; just with the added fun of breasts and hips. She was arguing with the security guard and leaning heavily on a cane, gesticulating wildly - thinner hands and thicker, curlier hair, but still the same essential building blocks.
Wilson slowed a little, trying to catch what they were arguing about on the off chance that he might be able to render some assistance. "Can I ... help you, Miss?" He was pretty sure House had never once said anything about having a sister - maybe this was a cousin or something. Cute, anyway. "Are you looking for doctor House?"
She turned, and those blue eyes - really quite like House's eyes, he noticed - showed a spark of relief. "Wilson! Tell this idiot who I am."
He blinked. "Uh - I don't think we've met, have we?"
"She says she's Doctor House." the security guard interrupted.
"That's because I am!" Her voice - a clear alto - echoed angrily around the parking garage. "That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past twenty minutes!"
"Why don't you come upstairs with me." Wilson smiled at both of them, trying to defuse the situation a little.
"Fine with me, Doctor Wilson. I just don' wanna let no strangers inside - ever since Doctor House got shot the boss has been real tight on security." The guard waved the two of them inside and went back to patrolling the parking lot.
"I didn't catch your name." Wilson tried again as they waited for the elevator.
"You know my name."
"Actually ... I'm pretty sure I don't. I'm sorry - House never mentions his family, I really don't-"
"I am House!"
That was when the elevator arrived.
*
House was not in his office.
"Of course I'm not in my office. I'm right here."
Wilson smiled in an attempt to humor her. "Why don't we wait in my office then? I'll get us some coffee."
On his way to the espresso stand he dialled House's home number.
One ring. Two. Three.
I'm probably home. I just don't feel like picking up. Deal with it.
The usual message. "Hey House - there's a visitor here for you at the hospital, some kind of relative I think?" He juggled the paper cups and made sure to grab some extra cream and sugar - he wasn't sure how she took her coffee. "She looks a lot like you, anyway. Get your ass out of bed and get in here, okay? Bye."
When he got back to his office, the woman was standing by the window, staring moodily at her reflection.
"Everything okay?"
"Peachy." She turned around and grabbed the coffee with a roll of her eyes. "You didn't fix it."
"Well, I didn't know how you -"
"Damnit, Wilson!" She began shouting again, high spots of colour rising in her cheeks. "It's me, can't you see that?" She flung her cane to the side in a fit of temper and grabbed frantically at the back of one of the comfortable chairs by the window, positioning herself so she was half-standing, half-sitting on the back of the chair with her back turned.
When she turned back, her jeans were down around her knees - and just below the hem of the boxer shorts she was wearing was a deep, angry-looking scar that dug into one shapely thigh.
"See anything familiar?" she growled, chest heaving.
Wilson squinted - then tipped his head, and blinked.
"House?"
She screamed wordlessly at him and then collapsed into the chair, jeans still loose around her knees, face buried in long-fingered hands.
"I woke up like this this morning." she mumbled. "Cuddy's right. Guys really don't ever look above your breasts."
(to be continued? oh dear god.)
Edit: it has already failed. it's mutating. oh god.
anyway - i had this plotbunny last week - yes, i know genderfuck has been done before. (noteably by
thedeadparrot, who does marvelous crack) but i got thinking 'why is it that wilson always turns into a woman, or everyone's gender gets switched? so - yeah. here you are. wherein wilson flirts, there is yelling, and partial nudity, and coffee. The woman in the parking lot looked like House would look if he'd been born female: tall, slender, same blue eyes, same sloppy jeans and button-down shirts; just with the added fun of breasts and hips. She was arguing with the security guard and leaning heavily on a cane, gesticulating wildly - thinner hands and thicker, curlier hair, but still the same essential building blocks.
Wilson slowed a little, trying to catch what they were arguing about on the off chance that he might be able to render some assistance. "Can I ... help you, Miss?" He was pretty sure House had never once said anything about having a sister - maybe this was a cousin or something. Cute, anyway. "Are you looking for doctor House?"
She turned, and those blue eyes - really quite like House's eyes, he noticed - showed a spark of relief. "Wilson! Tell this idiot who I am."
He blinked. "Uh - I don't think we've met, have we?"
"She says she's Doctor House." the security guard interrupted.
"That's because I am!" Her voice - a clear alto - echoed angrily around the parking garage. "That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past twenty minutes!"
"Why don't you come upstairs with me." Wilson smiled at both of them, trying to defuse the situation a little.
"Fine with me, Doctor Wilson. I just don' wanna let no strangers inside - ever since Doctor House got shot the boss has been real tight on security." The guard waved the two of them inside and went back to patrolling the parking lot.
"I didn't catch your name." Wilson tried again as they waited for the elevator.
"You know my name."
"Actually ... I'm pretty sure I don't. I'm sorry - House never mentions his family, I really don't-"
"I am House!"
That was when the elevator arrived.
*
House was not in his office.
"Of course I'm not in my office. I'm right here."
Wilson smiled in an attempt to humor her. "Why don't we wait in my office then? I'll get us some coffee."
On his way to the espresso stand he dialled House's home number.
One ring. Two. Three.
I'm probably home. I just don't feel like picking up. Deal with it.
The usual message. "Hey House - there's a visitor here for you at the hospital, some kind of relative I think?" He juggled the paper cups and made sure to grab some extra cream and sugar - he wasn't sure how she took her coffee. "She looks a lot like you, anyway. Get your ass out of bed and get in here, okay? Bye."
When he got back to his office, the woman was standing by the window, staring moodily at her reflection.
"Everything okay?"
"Peachy." She turned around and grabbed the coffee with a roll of her eyes. "You didn't fix it."
"Well, I didn't know how you -"
"Damnit, Wilson!" She began shouting again, high spots of colour rising in her cheeks. "It's me, can't you see that?" She flung her cane to the side in a fit of temper and grabbed frantically at the back of one of the comfortable chairs by the window, positioning herself so she was half-standing, half-sitting on the back of the chair with her back turned.
When she turned back, her jeans were down around her knees - and just below the hem of the boxer shorts she was wearing was a deep, angry-looking scar that dug into one shapely thigh.
"See anything familiar?" she growled, chest heaving.
Wilson squinted - then tipped his head, and blinked.
"House?"
She screamed wordlessly at him and then collapsed into the chair, jeans still loose around her knees, face buried in long-fingered hands.
"I woke up like this this morning." she mumbled. "Cuddy's right. Guys really don't ever look above your breasts."
(to be continued? oh dear god.)
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Just to note -- it's defuse, like defusing a bomb or a tense situation, instead of diffuse.
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(fixed! thanks for pointing that out. my brain knew the right word but my fingers didn't get the memo.) <3
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Mmm hm. Same thought I had about this crazy cracked-out AU thing that I really, really was only ever going to show to Nightdog. I'd just jot it down and ...
It mutated into Distress Call.
ETA that I never, never read genderswap!fic, EVER, and yet I would totally read this.
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It mutated into Distress Call.
... oh dear. That doesn't bode well.
Or maybe it does. Either way I'm quite flattered that you'd read it, considering it won't leave me alone ... *peers in the mirror at its little teeth sinking into my brain*
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Although, I am very excited to read this, epic or not, because this beginning is FANTASTIC! Wilson flirting! And disbelieving! And House getting a taste of his own medicine! EEEE!
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I don't know if it's going to be as big as Distress Call, but for me anything with more than one part is an epic, so we've already gotten to 'epic' stage. <3
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Continue. Now. NOW. This very instant. Because this IS how genderfuck should be done. And because House as a woman is sexy. And because Wilson not believing it is just perfect. And....
Continue. Seriously. /looks around. Fine. /gets down on knees, raises hands. PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASE????? Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?
Nems
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There will be more. (There has to be. It refuses to leave me alone and there are new aspects to the plot popping up. The last few times this happened resulted in 'Bollywood General Hospital (http://phinnia.livejournal.com/1787860.html#cutid1)' and 'Instant Karma's Gonna Get You'. (http://phinnia.livejournal.com/tag/instant+karma)) However it will have to wait until tomorrow. <3 <3
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I was reading, then there was
~~~~~~~~no more.~~~~~~~~
PLEASE CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!
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I AM GONNA BE RUDE bc I do not see the fail here
Re: I AM GONNA BE RUDE bc I do not see the fail here
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Thank you!
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NEEDS MOAR FIC, so yes, please do continue :D
*waits avidly*
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I always imagined House was more of the girl in the relationship than Wilson, but that was just me :p
House is enjoying this on some level, I know it.
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Can't wait for more!
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