look at me still talking when there's science to do

title: exothermic
author: phinnia
rating: r for themes
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
warnings/spoilers: spoilers for 'simple explanation'. major character death. (honestly i have no idea why i wrote this except to say that it forced me to write it - i'm not saying it isn't good, mind you, just that this is far from my usual.) It could be seen as a sequel to extreme weather but it's really not, and you definitely don't have to read that one to read this.

edit: this is for nightdog_barks, because it is her birthday today and I didn't know, and she encouraged me so much during its writing (and has encouraged me so much all along.)

( it haunts his dreams. )

title: body double
author: phinnia
rating: nc-17
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
pairing: house/13
author's note: for miintikwa: house/13, mirrors

( the first time she dragged you to her place )

"Reality is what it is." Guang intoned, allowing the ball to bounce in and out of the carved wooden cup in his hand. "Truth is what it is. The real question is, what are you?"

"An impossibly spineless toad who is not worthy of an education." Lau Yuan replied promptly, and looked very pleased with himself. Jing, who was laying the table, could not help but laugh under his breath.

Guang considered him for a moment. "Why do you say this?"

"That's what you called me yesterday when i burned the end of one of your scrolls. You said, "Lau Yuan, you are an impo-"

"That is not the answer." Guang raised his voice in an attempt to drown out Lau Yuan, as though glaring him into the paving stones was not enough. "It is very true, but it is not the answer I seek. I will repeat the lesson. Reality is what it is. Truth is what it is. The real question is, what are you?"

"What are you?" Lau Yuan repeated.

"That is correct."

Rou frantically tried to get Lau Yuan's attention but was unsuccessful.

Lau Yuan thought for a moment. "You are a cantankerous old monkey that does not have enough good sense to wither up and die." He looked even more smug and excited than he had the last time.

Guang caught the ball in his hand and set it carefully down in his lap, never moving his eyes from Lau Yuan nor the cup from his hand. "Why do you say this?"

"That's what the abbott said just the other da-"

"Lau Yuan, come closer."

Lau Yuan rose from his cushion and shuffled closer to his teacher.

Guang reached up and hit Lau Yuan over the head with the wooden cup. "Go and bathe, so the water will dislodge the chunk of earth inside your head. Foolishness! I am surrounded by worthless idiots. Jing! Do you have any of -"

"Cakes, yes." Jing rubbed the back of his neck. "I think I do."

Guang rose slowly to his feet and hobbled over to the table. "I despair of ever teaching that fool anything." He picked up one of the cakes and took a bite, his expression quickly changing to a more crafty one. "Perhaps a steady supply of these cakes would help."

Jing laughed, sitting down beside his friend. "Perhaps."

this deserves special mention, because it is beautiful and because it goes with my favorite piece of my own writing possibly ever:

shutterbug_12 has done amazing photomanips for my Antarctica-centered Housefic, extreme weather. (story and art worksafe; fic is friendship/slash is in the eye of the beholder.)

I CANNOT STOP SQUEEING.

list of further birthday goodies to come.

title: saturday night special
author: phinnia
pairing: house/wilson
rating: nc-17 (whee for smut)
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
warnings/spoilers: nah.
author's note: thank you to my first readers for assuring me that the first part of this was good enough to continue, to arhh for the inspiration as to how I could continue it, and most of all to magie_05 for betaing above and beyond the call of duty, including pointing out my continuity errors and assuring me that it was not too long and not allowing me to be neurotic over it.
( it would have been easier if they'd been drunk )

title: dream until your dream comes true
author: phinnia
rating: r
pairing: house/thirteen
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
author's note: third in a very unexpected series: first two parts are here and here.
( Dream on. )

title: life marches by
author: phinnia
pairing: house/thirteen
rating: g/pg-ish. left-handedly serious content.
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
author's note: i have no idea where this came from. it's vaguely serious but hopefully fun in its own strange way.
( he couldn't figure it out. )

title: tea and sympathy
author: phinnia
rating: g. slash is in the eye of the beholder, as nightdog_barks says. complete fluff.
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches. I own nothing.
author's note: in which turnabout is always fair play.
( house smiled in that way that made everyone nervous )

title: two of a kind
author: phinnia
rating: nc-17
pairing: house/wilson
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing.
author's note: warnings for sick toddlers, communicable diseases, clinic duty, Wilson stripping, Cuddy on the rampage and voyeurism. Written for deelaundry's birthday, although a few minutes late. I hope it's good enough to forgive the lateness. <3
( he'd never been so glad to see hot running water in his life )

There was a problem in the library - Jing could feel it in the air. He could also hear it in the air, because Lau Yuan was unable to be quiet and had entangled himself in a tapestry on the way toward the kitchen, and as Rou tried to help him out of it, the entire tapestry fell to the floor with an undignified thud.

Jing sighed and hid the knives away safely before someone (undoubtedly Lau Yuan and any one or more of the elders: indeed the abbott was not immune) got seriously hurt.

Rou appeared in the doorway and waited, attempting a quiet and obedient posture that was at odds with the colorful threads all over his saffron robe. Lau Yuan bounced into the kitchen behind him, and Jing glanced at the cooking fire to make certain that the cooking fire was safely banked and covered with stones.

"Master Jing-" Rou began.

"Master Guang is missing!" Lau Yuan babbled, tripping over a loose stone in the floor. He went sprawling and tore part of his robe. Fortunately Rou had managed to leap out of the way.

"Master Guang is ... missing."

"The abbott is very unhappy." Rou moved quickly away from Lau Yuan so he was not in between Lau Yuan and the fireplace.

Jing rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "Of course the abbott is unhappy. Guang lives to make the abbott unhappy." he muttered to himself. "Come along, both of you." Jing beckoned to the acolytes. "And Lau Yuan, PLEASE be careful."

They managed to get back to the library with only minor damage (a skinned knee for Lau Yuan, bruises for Rou as he tried to evade being fallen on by Lau Yuan.) Jing sent them outside where they could hopefully get into less trouble and he starte searching through the vast room filled with scrolls and parchments.

He found Guang in a small alcove behind one of the shelves, curled up on a pile of silken scrolls. Jing shook him awake.

"Why did you wake me and not even bring me any food?" Guang replied irritably.

"You were asleep. And I was reluctant to go near the kitchen fire for fear that Lau Yuan would push me into it."

Guang thought about this excuse for a moment and decided it was acceptable. "Nonetheless, you did wake me up. I was practiing meditation."

"You were practicing naps."

"I was practicing napping meditation. Similar to the process used by our brother monk who sleeps."

"The abbott is most displeased." Jing sighed. "Again."

"That is unfortunate." Guang shrugged. "My plan is not yet working."

"You have a plan?" Those words were sometimes more dangerous than Lau Yuan with a sword.

"I am assisting the abbott in achieving enlightenment. As soon as he no longer becomes annoyed by me, he will be enlightened."

Jing thought about this for a moment, decided there was truth in it, and reached into the folds of his robe to remove some plums, one of which he handed to Guang.

Guang took a bite out of the plum in Jing's hand and smiled at Jing's confused expression. "The fruit always tastes better from your hand."

"Thank you." Jing replied. "I think."

Jing pressed his hand to his eyes wearily, letting his fingers drift up over his lightly stubbled head. Guang was coming into the kitchen, and he was smiling. The last time Guang had smiled was when he had successfully beaten a very rich and very well respected man at Go with one hand literally tied behind his back. That had been bad enough, but most of the smiling had not begun until Guang had told the rich and well respected man that his strategies were less organized than a band of monkeys pissing on each other and that the stones had obviously fallen onto the board from inside his head. The abbott was most unhappy; Guang spent the next several days grinning and being unexpectedly nice to Rou. Rou had then come to Jing wondering if Guang was ill or had taken leave of his senses.

It was a troublesome week. And it looked like another troublesome week was about to begin.

"Jing!" Guang hobbled over, leaning heavily on his cane: often a bad sign due to the pain he suffered, but he was still smiling.

"Are you in need of anything, my friend?"

"Come with me! You must see this."

Jing had no idea how Guang could move more swiftly than he, especially given the pain due to Guang's leg injury, but it was always so. He finally managed to catch up near the library doors.

"I have a new acolyte." Guang explained cheerfully, pushing the door open.

"I thought you were not taking any more acolytes. You said they were all useless idiots that couldn't find inner peace if they were sitting on it."

"This one is different. Look." He pointed into the yard, where a young boy was following Rou around like a faithful dog. "Watch him. He has already burned himself on the cooking fire and had a dozen parchments fall on him, and he has only been here since this morning. Observe." Guang cleared his throat and shouted toward the courtyard. "Lau Yuan! Say hello to Jing."

"Hello Jing!" Lau Yuan waved enthusiastically, kept walking, and fell over the drying lines, getting himself hopelessly tangled. Rou attempted to help him up and tripped, getting them both even more tangled. Guang laughed with great abandon, striking the ground with his cane.

Jing shook his head, but he was also smiling.

Post a list of the top five favorite fics you’ve written, regardless of fandom or the reason you love them. This isn’t about the BEST things you’ve written, but what you LOVE most. Do it if'n you want to do it. <3

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Extreme Weather. House/Wilson friendship, PG. Number one head and shoulders over the top. I think it is probably one of the best things I've written, period: easily the best fic I've written: and I adore Antarctica so much it hurts.

Bollywood General Hospital. Kutner/13, NC-17. It's crack, but it's FUNNY crack, and it's a pairing you don't see much and it's almost believable in a crackaholic way.

ooh eee ooh ah ah. House/Cate Milton from "Frozen." NC-17. It's another unexpected pairing, and Cate was one of my favorite characters from Season Four (in large part because she was AWESOME and the ep featured Antarctica, even though it kicked off the Wilson/Amber subplot that REALLY STRESSED ME OUT about the end of last season.)

(I am very, very serious. I felt so horribly bad for House losing his best friend that I took about two thirds of a bottle of anti-anxiety pills during the last five episodes of the season, and I still haven't seen the first three eps of season five, and the first two will probably go unwatched. The whole arc made me worry myself sick (almost literally on quite a few occasions. Sometimes I'm too sensitive for my liking. No, I cannot be reasoned with. The greatest minds (okay, well, tallin, but he's married to me and has known me longer than any of you) are unable to budge me.))

dynamic ropes (sea change) House/Thirteen, PG-13. House/Thirteen is my second favorite pairing: I've written a bunch of fics with them, probably more with them than any other pairing except House/Wilson. I really like all of them, but this is one of my two favorites. Another one of the best things I've written.

Tie:

Quanta: Eight House/Wilson first kisses (1-8) House/Wilson, PG-13 (last one is soft R) I love these because I actually wrote them all just off the cuff one day after another for eight days and they actually turned out fabulously - I'm amazed I pulled it off, really.

Alphabet Soup: a relationship told through twenty-six microficlets. House/Thirteen, soft R. I have a growing obsession with microfiction. This is another set of small things that turned out fabulously.

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(The remaining of my top ten are: two's more fun (House/13, NC-17); refugee from the eightfold path/refugee AU (House/Wilson, PG-13; Guang/Jing, PG-13 (but they could be easily read as gen/friendship ficlets); The Taste of Tea (PG-13 friendship/slash (it's a kiss, nothing graphic in the least, and it's just a beautifully fluffy piece of fluff) and this untitled house/cthulhu ficlet set during the Amber/Wilson arc that I wrote on a dare one evening when I was feeling particularly hellish. A Taste of Memory, which was linked/podficced in the previous journal entry, is #11.)

And yes, I KNOW that was sneaky. <3 Just in case you wanted to know.