went to the dentist. i actually don't mind dentists: i've been lucky not to ever have a bad dentist experience, and all of my dentists have been really awesome and kind people. my current guy is particularly good. i fell asleep in his chair once while he was working on my teeth. good times. I actually based the dentist's office in a taste of tea on his office: the building it's in is called 'The Wilsonian.' i thought it was a sign.

finished 'rethinking thin' (by gina kolata) given all of those bus trips and reading in the dentist chair waiting for things to be numb. (his magazine selection kind of sucks.) good book on the complete bullshit that is the diet industry, with a nice historical chapter on how pretty much every diet has been seen in some form before. (people used to drink vinegar as a weight loss tonic. i haven't seen that one back but i wouldn't be surprised.)

fun fact: i'm quite comfortable lying with my head lower than my feet and reading upside down. this isn't something that happens to everyone, given people kept asking if i was alright. next on the bookstack: 'best sex writing 2009'. (sex journalism, not erotica.)

oh, and don't call my phone (most of you don't anyway) because it spontaneously snuffed it today. getting a new one hopefully thursday. always pay for handset insurance, children. this has been a public service announcement.

this clickies post is brought to you today by machineplay (world's best girlfriend), foxestacado (who finds consistently excellent links and who just went to China, i am so jealous) and bernie_laraemie (who is a wonderful and gracious gentleman owned by several lovely birds).

dog versus caterpillar. dog: 0. caterpillar: 1 (which is particularly good considering the deadness of the caterpillar. other bystander dog is all 'WTF is worng with you??'

child abuse alters stress-fighting gene. This does not surprise me in the least.

parents complain disabled tv presenter may scare children. i want to smack every one of them over the head. hard. the people who have actually SEEN the show are generally positive, which is a good thing. I can't imagine any child being scared of that woman. oh, society, you so funny.

'ghost peaks' emerge from the Ice. The Gamburtsev mountains are actually under one of the major ice 'plains'. They've been mapped using remote sensor technology. Too cool.

that's all i've got tonight, kids. be well and happy. (neko is watching me as i type. this post is Cat Approved™).

First appointment: orthopedic surgeon.

Short answer: complete waist of freaking time. Nothing he can do for me. Suggests I go back to rehab clinic for more antispasticity meds. Considering that when I initially went in to rehab I could walk mostly normally (for someone with CP, that is) and actually get up off the floor and use my arms to pull myself up on things and not fall down or have to lean on something constantly, I am saying that the antispasticity meds can go fuck themselves with my compliments, and the botox can help (considering the lack of leg muscle control for the first few weeks after the botox treatments has leflt me in some extremely humiliating situations which I would rather not discuss. All I really wanted at the beginning for all of that was physical therapy. I have the stretches the PT taught me and I have information on water fitness classes. I think I am done with rehab, THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.

Then I came home (no, really, it was actually much easier to come home between appointments) and had decent but not fantastic mexican food, coffee and mini cheesecakes. Went to local lesbian bookstore; did not pick up lesbians, but did manage to get some cards for people and a very nice book on the best buddhist writings of 2008. I'm hoping to get either enlightenment or material for new monk stories.

Second appointment: rheumatology.

They got the test results back. Some of them are abnormal. Now we have to run those tests again. Preliminary diagnosis based on bloodwork and some preliminary questions/facts about me point to sjorgren's syndrome (which wins the award for the least intuitive spelling in an autoimmune disorder) which (i'm guessing) is probably comorbid with some flavor of arthritis given that it looks and feels like my grandmother's arthritis that started when she was about my age. Also I probably have restless legs syndrome and they can give me something for that, which is nice because it feels like lightning-based needles are running through my thighs, which is a bit distracting when you're trying to get a bit of a nap.
So I get tested for that, and I have to go back to the dentist and do tests on my saliva, and eventually I may have to get a cheek biopsy (not looking forward to this part).

But yes. surgeon useless (except possibly in the 'feeling better about not requiring surgery for quite some time' bracket, so not so useless i suppose) and rheumathologists have fun theory that explains things, and the theory has been brought over by (it looks like) Swedish people, which wlil make bork either happy or sad, i'm not sure.

hi, how was your day? the inauguration was cool. ooh, a shiny thing -

to anyone out there that has crappy balance and is dealing with snow/ice/general slipperyness: you need these.

I just ordered mine so I'll be doing a review. <3

ALSO: thank you anneheart and nightdog_barks for your wonderful cards, and thank you jane_hidell for the amazingly awesome package of love. <3 <3

Clearly the solution is 'do not get out of bed, prepare all of Sean's lunch and clothing the night before, and go back to sleep instead of having coffee.' Because I slept in until 12 and have not felt better in several days. (Okay, yes. Still feel sore as all hell and am still somewhat tired but do not feel like an emotional breakdown is imminent.)

Therefore: purchase insulated coffee thermoses and rearrange schedule so spouse can go into work early and come home early. More convenient for all concerned, actually.

Also: still have no hot water (hot water tank/heater is getting replaced as I write this) and feel grungy as well as sore. I have no idea how bad I would feel without the methadone. I assume far worse. I really hope it gets fixed soon. I would give ridiculous amounts of money for a hot shower.

Still irritated at body but perhaps we have reached an uneasy detente? One does hope.

Having pizza tonight. Dishes are all filthy and horrifying.

Crows stealing money from car washes.

Seriously, awesome. Crows are neat.

Random other bits from the afternoon:

Got hold of the ankle surgeon's people. The ankle surgeon is booking into JANUARY for consults. I have an appointment with the ankle surgeon to discuss tendon release. Also have rebooked appointment with spinal-surgery person at the pain clinic, for mid-September. (Just discussing the surgery at this point. Not actually getting implants installed yet. There'll probably be a trial, and - yeah. Hurry up and wait.)

At a rate of (when possible) no more than two appointments per week, I am booking myself into early/mid-October now. That said I think I only need to make one more appointment (rheumatology) and that will happen tomorrow. Awesome.

Current job: professional patient/fiction writer, apparently.

Have epic headache of epicness. lying down now.

Number of referrals I asked the Stoned Nurse in rehab for: two.
Number she has managed to screw up? two.

Called the ankle/foot surgeon to check on my referral. Apparently The Stoned Nurse put that I had 'knee pain' (which I do, but the ankle pain is FAR worse and that IS in my file) and so it got kicked back as being not this guy's specialty. I fucking swear I will never find an orthopedic surgeon. Bleedthrough pain on ankle is sadly normal now, which makes me wonder how it would be without the freaking methadone. I can barely walk on it for more than two or three feet. Left hamstring hates me on general principles. *grumble* Seeing doctor on Thursday. Am going to beg for more methadone and hope they don't think I'm a drug-seeking junkie.

Called physical therapy. Still can't find my physical therapist. Hate their new receptionist; she is wonderfully unhelpful. No one is returning my calls. RAGE.

Tripped in living room, bruised tip of right patella on floor. May have screwed up left hip in attempt to get up. Took me ten minutes to walk to the end of the block. Have stuff to do and can't bloody focus. Do not want to supplement methadone with tylenol 3's or percocet, but may well have to.

ANGRY PHINNIA IS ANGRY.

Because my birthfamily is Messed The Hell Up, I am now learning things about myself and my disability that I probably might ought to have known before now. Some of these things are fantastically vindicating.

The reason I can't bend over properly? Is because of my spasticity and my joints. It's not because I'm fat. It's not because I'm out of shape (atlhough I am, but that's a different matter). It's not because I'm not trying hard enough. It's just the way I was built.

The reason I can't sit with straight posture? Is because I have a messed-up pelvis (again, due to the CP). It's not because I'm lazy and it's not because I'm fat and it's not because I don't care about my appearance.

I am only barely able to restrain myself from phoning my mother and informing her of these True Medical Facts. My therapist offered to do it for me. (She was pissed, by the way, at the fact that I'd been fed this crap.)

VICTORY IS MINE, BITCHES. Y'ALL CAN SUCK IT.

home now. tore the living hell out of my knee. hurts like omgwtfdjf;dshgewaiomv. Ace bandage + painkillers + ice. Ambulance ride was fun.

Apparently mail addressed to Phinnia Meredith WILL actually get here, because I got a letter addressed to Chris and Phinnia Meredith from one of the potential schools (not the really awesome one, our second choice). Must have gotten it from my email address or something and actually thought it was my first name (to be fair, I respond to it readily). I think this is HILARIOUS.

The child has a two hour early dismissal on 5/21 FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL. WHY DO THEY DO THIS?

I have to be at PT for what-the-hell-time-it-is-again (read: 9AM) tomorrow, which means being coherent and coordinated enough to leave the house at holy-fuck-the-chickens-next-door aren't-even-awake-now (read: 8:15 or so). This is going to be a laugh. I'm like the worst parts of the Three Stooges in the morning, minus the pies and slide whistles of course.

Although we do have a slide whistle.

(Note to any pain-in-the-ass-programmer-spouses-reading this: JUST. DON'T.)

Bed nao.

Am currently benched. Walking across the room is interesting (am already uncoordinated: am now more uncoordinated + dizzy from the damn neurontin). Have had morning brainfog which lasted until about 11ish, plus the random hand tremors have increased. Am groggy. Think I'll just lie in this armchair for a bit. Like 'this afternoon'. Fortunately have care for boy this evening plus larger boy is looking after me. Have call in to pain clinic to see if I should keep taking this, back off, whateverhaveyou.

In conclusion: BAH.