just keep swimming

[phinnia]

Still more depressed/maudlin than baseline. Stupid Paxil. down to 5mg daily; in two weeks it'll be 5mg/every other day, and then it'll be GONE FROM MY LIFE and I should really have a party.

(note: this experience with paxil is by no means a reason for others not to take antidepressants. i was seriously overdosed, but I'm mostly better now and on other more appropriate antidepressants. i believe in better living through chemistry. Me not on meds is not something anyone should experience. i'm still ashamed/embarassed by things i did without them even though i was seriously not thinking straight. this is a public service announcement from me. I'll be justifying quite a few things these days, because frankly this is really difficult*. sorry for the inconvenience.)

Don't know if I want to go to lecture tonight. Have babysitter anyway; will decide at last minute. (hate dealing with this particular babysitter as i never know if i'm getting through to her. oh well.)

clickies:

From the continually awesome bishojo_kitsune: surgeons use twitter in operating room.

From the forever excellent mactavish, a few: arkansas and five other states ban atheists from public service. ... do they not REALIZE this is discrimination? i mean, it's completely obvious to anyone with half a brain, but large numbers of politicians don't fall into that category, sadly enough.

And also The Long View. Pictures of Christchurch, NZ and Antarctica. (i can stop any time, i'm not obsessed) (much) (okay, i'm lying, i am, but it's not like it's cocaine).

One from my girl machineplay dancing wheelchair. No, really, it's very cool, you should watch the video.

* read: very difficult means 'oh god this is hell. i will be justifying everything, which is very irrational and yet i do it anyway.

Comments

[cindy-lou-who8.livejournal.com]

*makes mental note to never take Paxil*

What is your position/opinion on Cymbalta?

Edit: Also did you ever get that link I twitted you, with the dolphin?

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

re: link - YES! i did. and thanked you effusively which may well have been eaten <3 it was great.
re: Cymbalta - never taken it personally; have had friends who have taken it. reports have been mixedish tending toward good. (for the best reports of side effects check out Crazymeds (http://crazymeds.us).) Did they finally put you on something for your pain/baseline anxiety? Jesus fucking Christ it's about damn time.)
Paxil is good for some people; it used to be good for me. Then I was seriously overdosed due to an idiot attending, proving that my insurance also covers total fucking idiots (between it and the Celexa, which is similar enough to be more or less chemically the same, I was taking 100mg/day and that was fucking me up HARDCORE. It's also the WORST SSRI to go off of: see Crazymeds for why. <3)

[cindy-lou-who8.livejournal.com]

Good I am glad you got it. I was wondering, but yes I love how Twitter denies posts for wacky reasons, idk.

No they haven't added anything yet, but I am going to ask next time I go b/c it isn't getting any better unfortunately.

Wow 100mg? Damn, that is a lot.

[taiga13.livejournal.com]

My doctor put me on Paxil once. Oh my God, what a horror show. I lasted two weeks.
After that they tried Effexor and Wellbutrin, but it made my blood pressure skyrocket. My doctor kept telling me it was a rare side effect, as if I was doing it on purpose. Bitch. Anyway, they switched me to Cipralex and it's much better. No side effects.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Wellbutrin, for me, was one enormous panic attack. i took it for about six days and quit, it was so horrible.

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

I had a physical allergic reaction to Paxil - terrible rash all over my chest. Another one of my friends was on Paxil for a few months when she needed some help getting stability in her life. I guess it all depends.

Don't worry. It's not an obsession, just a fixation.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

it used to work for me for a long time, and then i got overdosed (equivalent of 100mg/day due to an idiot attending) and it ended up this way. i'll be SO glad when it's gone.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

Well, at least some people in Arkansas are trying to repeal it. :/ (And kind of cool that there's a Green Party member representing North Little Rock.) Since the Supreme Court already ruled all such statutes illegal, though, I doubt anybody attempts to enforce it. Most states have countless dead laws that no one has bothered to get off the books...

Also, it's irritating that they don't bother listing the OTHER states.

Hang in there re. the Paxil!

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, i know what you mean (re: the other states). I have several friends from arkansas. to quote monty python: "it's people like you wot cause unrest."

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

i'm assuming the resident who did the twittering for that surgery wasn't on the surgical team in a hands-on kinda way. kinda cool, tho, if you're a medical student or a resident or an attending or whoever, and you want to be able to follow someone's surgery to learn from it. but i'd want my surgeons to be paying attention to my kidney, and not running off to twitter every other thing they're doing to me.

this may be a dumb question, but how does arkansas plan to enforce their no-atheists rule? you can't ask someone if they believe in god or follow a particular religion and then disqualify them for a job based on their answer. and me, i'd lie.

[chezmax]

The pictures of Antarctica are way cool. Thank you!

[gizmometer.livejournal.com]

are you getting links forwarded from me? i ask because some of them i know are awesome, but also because my delicious plugin is being weird and i'm not seeing links from other people more often than not.

[frankincensy.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience with Paxil. I'm 100% with you on better living through chemistry, though... yet I can understand the feeling of not wanting to "rely" on drugs, as if that was a sign of weakness. It isn't at all, although I still struggle with thinking that way occasionally (regarding myself, not others). I've been pretty lucky with side effects on the whole, although I'm currently coming off a pair of meds (fluvoxamine and lamotrigine) that are being a little more stubborn in terms of side effects and withdrawal. I just realised the other day "I never used to be this apathetic, did I?" and that cemented my desire to get them out of my system.

Still, the first antidepressant I ever went on didn't do anything in itself, but the relief I got from just knowing I was on something that might help was a lifesaver. That's partly why I'd never dissuade someone from STARTING a medication.

/self-centred ramble

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, in all respects.

[boozymatic.livejournal.com]

Oh, girl. Paxil was one of the worst drugs to get off of ever, for me. Nasty stuff. The tapering off part was sheer hell.

Hang in there! *hugs*

[presocratic.livejournal.com]

*Shivers* This post reminded me of an experience I had trying to wean myself from a sleeping med that was supposedly not addictive. Well, it might not have been "addictive," but I sure as hell became dependent on it. Without the med, I couldn't sleep AT ALL.

Today, although I'm still a terrible insomniac, I avoid prescription sleeping medications. Not the right choice, I know, but the experience is still too fresh.