Jun. 4th, 2005

phinnia: smiling dolphin face (cuban road signs)
This is quite possibly the worst movie of all time.

Examples of ubiquitously spinning newspaper headlines: "Strange munching sounds heard in night." "Mayor demands action." "Mayor disappears."

It eats things (apple/bottle of wine/bucket of chicken) and spits out the trash, for God's sake. It has the most transparent plot ever. The first ones consumed are, naturally, teenagers looking for a place to make out. There's a dude stuck behind this painting who TALKS in an english accent to the bed, or possibly to the audience, I'm not entirely sure. He sounds like Stewie, I swear.

"You gaze at me as though a painting on the wall. I see you as a serving on some monstrous silver platter."

The bed drools, yawns and pants. And laughs evilly. There is overuse of theremin and cheap wind sound effects. There are people who have all the acting skills of a potted plant.

Edit: It did NOT JUST DRINK a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. It did NOT. Except, well, it did.
Edit 2: The bed was possessed by A DEMON whose TEARS OF BLOOD soaked into it after the woman it was trying to seduce was tragically KILLED.

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