![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
why we'd want to live here
Oct. 2nd, 2005 07:52 amMe: So this is why we shouldn't live in the south*. There are things like snakes. And big spiders.
Chris: And bible thumpers.
Me: Which are scarier than snakes and big spiders put together.
Chris: I'd rather deal with either one of them than bible thumpers.
Me: Wait, are we assuming non-poisonous snakes and spiders?
Chris: Oh yeah, definitely.
Me: *thinks* Well, if it were non-poisonous big spiders or snakes, I'd rather deal with them than a bible thumper. But if it were an actual poisonous snake or spider, then I'm afraid the bible thumper would win. I mean, they won't kill you.
Now it's time for a Terry Pratchett-style footnote:
*The other reasons we don't live in the south, even though we have friends and family that do, are (1) because Chris's family lives just outside of Nashville and studies have shown that keeping at least three or four states between us and that particular shade of family drama is probably good for our mental health, (b) it gets too damn hot in the summer and (iii) most southern cities seem to have a terrible allergy to decent bus systems, something which I have never entirely understood. Not unlike the town I grew up in, which was a reasonably-sized town that was stuck in the 1950's and refused to put in bus service because (gasp!) poor people might move in. If I'm making this up, I request that I be struck by lightning immediately.
*pause*
Nope, still here. This is why it totally kills me when people say that Canadians are, as a set, entirely more liberal, less bigoted and all-around-better than Americans. They've obviously never been to, say, Portland, Oregon, or say, the town I grew up in, which shall remain nameless, because there's no way I want to admit to living in a town that now has yearly outhouse racing down Main Street, even if it is for charity. Couldn't they just hold an auction or something? Or at least not hold a bean dinner just before the damn outhouse races? Of course not. This, I remind myself, is why I've moved far, far away. Dear GOD.
Chris: And bible thumpers.
Me: Which are scarier than snakes and big spiders put together.
Chris: I'd rather deal with either one of them than bible thumpers.
Me: Wait, are we assuming non-poisonous snakes and spiders?
Chris: Oh yeah, definitely.
Me: *thinks* Well, if it were non-poisonous big spiders or snakes, I'd rather deal with them than a bible thumper. But if it were an actual poisonous snake or spider, then I'm afraid the bible thumper would win. I mean, they won't kill you.
Now it's time for a Terry Pratchett-style footnote:
*The other reasons we don't live in the south, even though we have friends and family that do, are (1) because Chris's family lives just outside of Nashville and studies have shown that keeping at least three or four states between us and that particular shade of family drama is probably good for our mental health, (b) it gets too damn hot in the summer and (iii) most southern cities seem to have a terrible allergy to decent bus systems, something which I have never entirely understood. Not unlike the town I grew up in, which was a reasonably-sized town that was stuck in the 1950's and refused to put in bus service because (gasp!) poor people might move in. If I'm making this up, I request that I be struck by lightning immediately.
*pause*
Nope, still here. This is why it totally kills me when people say that Canadians are, as a set, entirely more liberal, less bigoted and all-around-better than Americans. They've obviously never been to, say, Portland, Oregon, or say, the town I grew up in, which shall remain nameless, because there's no way I want to admit to living in a town that now has yearly outhouse racing down Main Street, even if it is for charity. Couldn't they just hold an auction or something? Or at least not hold a bean dinner just before the damn outhouse races? Of course not. This, I remind myself, is why I've moved far, far away. Dear GOD.
