clickies

I'll trade away the kid for a bag of peanuts, if anyone's got some. I don't even like peanuts, but getting peanut bits out of your teeth has to be better than waking up every other hour, wtf. He's going back to school today (has been home sick since Tuesday) thank GOD; either that or I'm putting him in a box at the end of the driveway saying 'free to good home'.

Clickies:
School districts banning non-athletic shoes because of childhood obesity. Um, yeah. Sure.

Boy survives two hour flight to Moscow on airplane wing. Holy crap.

the rules of the game. this is really what we play ALL THE TIME.

Let's All Go On An Outing!

The object of this game: to Go Out, Do Things and Return Home without causing destruction, insanity or substance abuse.

Game Board: currently, the City of Seattle. Game can be played anywhere. Bonus round for double points is played in airports, train stations, parades, concerts, special events and in malls during holiday season.

Players:
Mom (comes with accessories: crutches, backpack, harassed expression, large purse, rattling castanet like pill bottles, Random Fall Generator)
Dad (comes with accessories: white cane, irritable expression, GPS device, laptop computer, Microsoft(tm) Tracking Implant Chip)
Kid (comes with accessories: I'm-Not-Listening field generator, shoes and clothes that are removed at random, Cute Generator, Extra Long Life battery, plastic stim toy.)

Challenges Within The Game are brought up using a secret random number generator and can include any and all of the following:

Charity Keepaway: Wherein Our Heroes (the players) evade Random Do Gooders who want to (a)administer unsolicited pity (2) give unsolicited cash donations (really) (iii) attempt to remove Kid from the other players in the guise of being 'helpful' (*) ask if we have found Jesus

It's Howdy Doody Time: Wherein people ask Mom what Dad wants to do/eat/etc. even though Dad is right there and perfectly capable of talking for himself

Awkward Tennis: Wherein people stare and/or ask totally insensitive questions or make amazingly rude statements.

Accomodation Roulette: Wherein people put the bus lift down and cause the autistic five year old to Freak The Hell Out due to the noise even though Mom doesn't need it (and was trying to tell them to stop), or get pissed at Mom for taking the last seat on the bus which someone offered to Dad even though Dad said she should considering she's the one with the balance and mobility issues - but they will forget to announce the requested bus stop, even though Dad foolishly asked them to.

Denial of Karma Attack: Wherein people will attempt to give totally random, unsolicited and sometimes massively unhelpful assistance because they saw a gimp/crip/blindy/autie on TV once and they wanted to find an elevator, therefore this gimp/crip/blindy/autie obviously needs one too, except surprise! they're looking to catch the 3:30 bus to Nashville. This challenge is particularly sneaky because the attacker will become angered easily, pointing out that they were merely trying to assist (even though they did so without prompting and indeed despite protests that this was the wrong thing to do, because obviously their good intentions should absolve them - never mind the fact that the Players now have to spend the night in a hotel and take tomorrow morning's bus. (Note: This has not happened YET to that degree, but it's seriously been a very near miss on more than a few occasions.)

Nothing: Rarely, nothing happens, even though you're quite sure something will and are psyched up to avoid it.

If The Players make it home in one piece without causing insanity or death, they win.