morning quickie clickie update

Mafia's car-boot bread is killing Naples.

Chinese baby formula contaminated with melamine poisoned over 1200 infants. (i am quite sure that somewhere, some crazed nut mother or breastfeeding zealot would use this as a reason that one must breastfeed at all costs. Likely including my ex-midwife. I really hope no one that I actually know currently is that insane.)

Went to bed at six thirty last night, slept through most of the night with a few half-hour exceptions after bathroom breaks until seven thirty this morning. I am, however, still vaguely tired. Bah. Also think I may have an incipient bladder infection, you know, because i'm not taking enough pills already or something.

Presently i will be off to Trader Joe's.

ooooooooh god i hate people so much sometimes. so, so much

oh my god do i hate some goddamm PARENTS.

Dear Idiots Who Should Not Have Been Permitted To Breed:

There are things you should not do when shopping with your walking-enabled toddler sized Littlest Angels. Ideallly I think you should just GET A BABYSITTER AND LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME, but I know some of you have some kind of ridiculous attachment disorder where you just can't do that for whatever reason (I don't know, maybe your little flowers really WILL melt if you dare leave them with anyone else. My kid is just a kid, not one of God's Gifts, so I'm obviously uncultured and wortless in your eyes anyway) but if you must take them out, it will all be easier for everyone if you follow A FEW SIMPLE RULES.

ONE.

A CHILD WHO CANNOT SEE OVER THE CART SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO PUSH IT. EVER. And if by chance you insist on breaking rule #1, don't LEAVE THE CHILD WHO IS POSSIBLY NO MORE THAN TWO TO 'WATCH' THE CART WHILE YOU WANDER OFF TEN FEET AWAY GOGGLING AT THE DAIRY CASE LIKE IT CONTAINS THE MEANING OF MOTHERFUCKING LIFE. Because a) the child could get snatched easily and 2) the child annoys other shoppers. Like me. WHO HATES IDIOTS LIKE YOU AND IS IN CONSTANT DANGER OF SNAPPING.

TWO.

I do not CARE if your Blessed Event can walk around ALL BY HIMSELF NOW. If your Blessed Event is small enough that they cannot be seen in front of a shopping cart packed with food, they SHOULD NOT BE WALKING AROUND ALL BY HIMSELF NOW. Because you may be used to moving heaven and earth so your Ray of Sunshine, if I can't see them if they run in front of my cart they run the risk of getting hurt. AND THEN YOU WILL BLAME ME, RATHER THAN APOLOGISING FOR YOUR SCREAMING SPAWN OF SATAN WHO RAN IN FRONT OF MY CART, and then I WILL HAVE TO SNAP YOUR EVERLOVING NECK AND LEAVE YOU THERE TO DIE.

THREE.

Now I realize kids get hungry, and snack sized applesauce containers are the perfect thing to feed them. But if you take a cup out of one so The Center Of Your Motherfucking Universe can eat while you shop, then do the rest of the word a courtesy and at least BUY THE OTHER CUPS IN THE PACK. BECAUSE TECHNICALLY WHAT YOU ARE COMMITTING OTHERWISE IS THEFT. AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH THE SPROGLET'S MILESTONES IN PERSON IF THEY HAUL YOUR STUPID ASS IN JAIL, NOW WILL YOU?

Sincerely,

An Extremely Disgrunted (but likely substandard in your minds) Parent.