look at me still talking when there's science to do

Just two clickies today: infecting mosquitoes before they infect us and vampire unearthed in Venice plague grave.

I also managed to find a new buddhist parable in my travels, so there will likely be a reappearance of the monks in the near future.

cancelled the therapist in Everett. I'm going to try and get in touch with bork's therapist - and neurologist too.

today is so far better than yesterday. although yesterday i caught up on all the House eps I'd missed. the season shaped up much less terrifying than i originally thought. (i kind of stopped watching since episode six. yes, i know. i am neurotic. i think that's apparent by now.) i am attempting to remain spoiler free to stop my neurotic little brain from chewing on things. just saying so there's no spoiler talk in the comments, okay? we (or many of us) remember last season/early this season when i was neurotically freaking out about House and Wilson never being friends again? And late last season when I was freaking out all through the amber arc and had to quadruple my anti-anxiety meds? i do not do well with stress. it's much better if I don't think about it beforehand. i'll still worry, but slightly less.

anyway, enough about my neuroses.

because i haven't obsessed about antarctica for the past few days:

yesterday's antarctica pic of the day. One of the excellent things about antarctica is that there are some places nearby that don't have snow at all. Deception Island has hot springs, as a matter of fact.

from the 'penguins rock' files: penguins tobogganing and penguins porpoising. (i actually thought that last one was orcas for a few seconds.

local people: anyone up for an ikea trip at some point this weekend? will pay gas money and eternal gratitude. i have to pick up a couple of dressers. (i can order them by phone/online and have them shipped if need be, so it's not a big thing if no one's free; i thought i'd ask anyway to save on shipping, etc.)

oh, also: how much (ballpark figure) is a smallish tattoo (assume maybe 2, 2.5 inches square, fairly simple: a plum blossom. (top right picture, stylized a bit.) and where's a good place to get it done? (as in, tattoo places.) I'm thinking about my left forearm unless someone gives me a compelling reason to put it elsewhere.

link from the lovely reannon, who also thinks this is a horrifyingly bad idea: four day school week proposed.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCK NO.

(this is the podmommies. i just know it. this was proposed by some freaky mother who waits on tenterhooks for their little darlings to come home so they can live life again.)

oh god no no no. such a horrifyingly BAD IDEA.

every time something like this happens - when they talk about making these wonderful changes to the school week or year or what have you - I have to fight down terror that this means i'll never manage to get actual work done because some parent somewhere with no reason for living unless their little angel is stapled to their hip starts pulling this kind of crap.

(yes, it is an irrational fear. i know that. as much as i still don't want to go to therapy tomorrow, i'll probably go, and eventually it'll get around to this stuff. that's going to be fun. i keep telling myself that they're not going to use the same immersion therapy they do on things like spider phobias.

probably.

i hope.)

(god, standard cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work on me. i've tried. and failed. many times. augh.)

also, here's an awesome link about the success of the international polar year which was 2008. there's some great sidebar links about antarctica. i'll be here with my heating pad and my intensely sore joints quietly panicking over this four day school week crap.

living room: mostly full of boxes. forty-two of them to be exact, thanks to hithah, who is amazing.

child: home due to a rash (it is actually a rash this time). going to peds doc at 2:30 today.

me: been to the neuro and back. Have perscriptions for several vitamins and buspar. Long term neuro is talking about me being off most meds or at lower doses. Am bloody terrified of this concept, actually. i do not like the person i was before my meds, and i am having a lot of trouble reconciling myself to the idea that i will not become that person again. yeah, i know i have this backwards and that most people don't want meds. don't care. apparently i have awesome blood sugar and a massive vitamin d deficiency (something I likely have in common with most people in Seattle).

me: somewhat sad, and angry at internet trolls who seem to think acting like spoiled three year olds is appropriate because 'it's just the internet' as though it made their behavior less real or something. ashamed to know people like this.

me: wearing an eeg on my head. I look vaguely alien as my head is the wrong shape.

me: frustrated about writing, or more accurately lack thereof. want a vacation, or really just not to deal with life at all.

me: figured out i'm terrified of working because this means that my job will suck up every moment of my free time and i will never do anything fun ever again. must stop using chris as example. also would love to stop taking things to the far extremes but have been doing that all my life, am not sure how possible it is to stop such a thing.

I ordered a copy of the dr. bronner documentary film today. I'd seen it some months back with seattlejo but I wanted a copy for myself - I went for the DVD + soap package (I prefer watching movies on my TV whenever possible, and I do like their soap, it was a pretty sweet deal) but they have the movie up for download for a fairly small fee ($8 I think? might be less). It's really worth the money if you like documentaries or even just quirky movies - he lived a fascinating life and he was indeed certifiable.

---

Clickie from the most excellent purplewaxhand: IVR hacks. To get around those damnable voice recordings on phone systems. Good stuff.

---

Slept until 11:30 today. Managed to straighten out apartment ... vaguely. Still have laundry to fold and boxes to take down to recycling area. I hate sleeping so late but the body insists on it. I feel like Pizpot Gargravarr from 'Restaurant at the End of the Universe' except my arguments never involve sex and fishing, they involve sleep versus having a damn life. Just - augh. It's starting to really get to me.

Also, still have not heard back from psychiatrist types. Really need to find someone soon. Do not want to go calling through all $HUGE_VAL psychiatrists in the Premera directory. Anyone have any recommendations? Seattle preferred but busable parts of the surrounding area might be okay for the right person.

I hate this. I really, really, really hate this. So much. The body and mind are unstable and at odds, I don't have enough time to do the things I want, pain and tiredness. Hate this.

---

I'll be scarce tomorrow - still not watching House and trying to avoid spoilers. Will be scarce from messengers tonight for the same reason. I have it on reasonable authority that the sad storyline that's really bugging me will be at its conclusion with the new episode on the 14th of October, so I'll be back in the loop then. (brain is panic-level unstable about this. hate it. so much. there's a tiny little voice in the back of my mind that wants to say people are laughing at me, even though I know the ones that matter aren't. I will distract this voice, somehow. Possibly by throwing a movie and knitting project at it.

---